Thursday, September 15, 2016

To be a lady

So what to choose?

* Groom yourself

- Always be clean and neat, polished. From toe nails to hair.

*Always dress nicely

Wear clothes tight enough to show you are a woman, but loose enough to show you are a lady.
Have a unique style, build a small wardrobe of quality items, and express your style by accessories.
Aim for elegance, not fashion

* Have a good posture

* Learn to walk on high heels

* Learn to apply make-up 

* Speak clearly, mind the elocution

* Mind your language 
Use correct grammar, increase your vocabulary, avoid swearing, use "please", "thank you", "excuse me" and other such courtesy words.

* See that your breathe doesn't smell bad

* Get all the education you can
Read the news and know the background

* Be curious, interested and open-minded

* Be considerate and kind

It doesn't mean being codependent or a doormat.

* Get impeccable manners and learn the etiquette

This is about consideration, not about being better-than-thou. You are not to demand everyone follows the etiquette to a tee, but knowing the etiquette makes you comfortable in any situation, and everyone comfortable to be with you.

There is a lovely little example of this. In a Star Wars novel the author described a dinner hosted by Princess Leia. One of the guests ate the rose from finger washing bowl, so Princess Leia ate hers to avoid embarrassing the guest. In our family we call things like this "eating roses". :-D

The point is, you shouldn't break the rules unless you know the rules and have a VERY GOOD REASON to do so. And NEVER EVER point out others' mistakes.

* Don't criticize, don't whine, don't complain, don't explain, don't judge, don't blame, don't nag, don't flaunt, don't brag, don't gossip

Either you change things or you accept them. Talking about things is wasting time.

Compliment people, improve your observation skills, increase your knowledge of all things, so that you can give good advice and constructive criticism in a good way when requested, accept your responsibility, and forgive others for not being able to do the same, learn to communicate constructively and functionally

* Be positive, pleasant, friendly

Now, this doesn't mean "keep smiling" or "be a fluffbunny", but trying to see the positive in every situation, while acknowledging and accepting the reality. Being a pollyanna might seem like forced positivity, but the thing is that if you have a positive, expectant attitude to the world and new situations, the people you meet, events and happenings in life, you are more likely to have a positive experience. Because you get what you expect to get. Your mind will find evidence to prove what you think. It's much easier to have patience and kindness to people if you think they are just having a bad day, than if you think the a-hole mode is normal to them, and they are basically just a-holes.

* Do what you know to be right, and ignore what other people might be thinking about you.

* Be honest, truthful and virtuous 

There is no absolute standard of what is "right" and what is a "virtue" - you have to follow your own understanding of these ideas.
In my mind it is not the "Golden rule" one should follow, but the "Silver rule" - "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow". I believe it is easier for people to justify ill-treatment by "but I would have liked it if someone had done that to me!", like missionizing. "Yes, I understand your spiritual awakening was great for you, but I have already found my truth about God". So instead of thinking "I want everyone to know the truth about God!", think "how would I feel if someone told me my God was a false God and my religion was bad?"

* be tolerant, respectful and forgiving

Don't wait for people to earn your respect, don't mind people being disrespectful. It's their problem, not yours.

Another story that comes to mind is about the young king of France. He was having a walk with his tutor, and a gardener opened them a gate. The tutor thanked him. The king asked him why he was thanking the gardener, who was nobody. The tutor answered "I'd be ashamed if a gardener had better manners than I."

So instead of thinking how rude people are, think that you don't need to be rude just because someone else is.

* have character and integrity

To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts.
It makes it easier to stoop the next time.
- Katharine Hepburn
* Be steadfast, loyal and trustworthy

Keep your promises, especially to yourself.
Never quit.

* Be generous
with your money, your time, your attention, your smile

* Be moderate

* Learn to speak more than 1 language

* Have an unbreakable inner peace

* Be courageous

This is not the same as fearless. Ladies do fear, but they do what they know to be right any way, and the more things they do they are afraid of, the more fears they face, the stronger, more confident and courageous they get.

* Have a hobby

Ladylike hobbies are reading, gardening, art, music, theater and sports like tennis and riding.

* Learn to cook, learn to mix drinks

* Learn to host parties - be a good hostess and a good guest

* What Would Melanie Do? What Would Audrey Do?

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