I am 50 now and I didn't do much of anything of the things in my list. :-(
I did not stretch and work to get my splits. Not one pushup or pullup was done. Not a K was run, not in a minute nor in an hour. Yoga I did a little, but not taichi. I didn't do anything about Parkour. I weighed 124 kilos on my birthday. I haven't thrown any balls. I haven't trained my feet. If I had lost my arms, I would need help to wipe my ass. I haven't learned one dance, or to juggle, and I still can't hulahoop. I haven't taken one photo of me, nor have I had a photoshoot. I haven't made one video, movie or tutorial, or posted anything anywhere. I haven't made one dollar. I have made some clothes/accessories, but not a whole wardrobe. I haven't worn makeup. I haven't had an exhibition. I haven't made a BJD. I haven't written, translated or illustrated any books, not even a chapter. I changed a string in the guitar and started to tune it, and the tuning key broke, so that's that. Haven't gotten it fixed. Still can't play anything. I haven't written any songs, I haven't sang in public. I still know only Finnish, Swedish and English. I haven't made sausage, cider, jams or jellies, handpulled noodles or baked through the Daring Bakers' list. I started to replace the houseplants, and they are all dead now. I almost got debt free, but now I'm back in debt. I haven't taken a roadtrip. I haven't lived as a fruitarian for a month. I don't know any tricks. I know only the CPR and first aid I have picked up. I have put some books in a reading journal, but that's mostly new books. I am not a mentalist.
I did celebrate my 50th birthday in a nice country place, but not as I wanted to, and not on my birthday. It was basically very... low. I had three guests. I got a couple of presents. They were all wonderful and I loved them, but...
All in all, it was very unsatisfactory. I have this idea of that I am not worth it, and it's useless to plan anything big where anything depends on other people, because it just won't happen.
Everything I wrote on this list is achievable. *I* am the only reason to why I don't have it right now.
I have the knowhow and resources to 4/5 of the list and the rest... most of it is just a question of money. I KNOW how I could collect the money to do all the things I want to do, I just don't do it.
And something happened yesterday that made me realize a lot of things.
I don't want to think about difficult things. Most things in my life has been easy, too easy. So I have no training on how to push through when the pushing gets hard. How to deal with the panic of "I don't have the slightest idea of how to do this, I can't do this!" So far in my life I have dealt with that with quitting, fleeing, and hiding in the planning and dreaming department. I'm good at that.
So, anyway, something happened yesterday, and I got confused and scared, and my "fight or flight" response kicked in. I flee.
Now, fight or flight response is "created" as a survival mechanism in a dangerous situation. What was the "dangerous situation" I was in yesterday? I couldn't follow with a dance exercise video.
Yeah.
Dangerous.
So, why did my body see this situation as dangerous?
Usually it is because the person reacting on little things is stressed out in their lives, of other things. There are bigger issues which causes me to be in the "fight or flight" situation all the time, and things like this; obvious "failure", obvious stress, obvious discomfort, distress, obstacle, things don't go as we planned, makes it just flare. This is why we start crying because of something insignificant. The thing is insignificant, we aren't crying because of that, it was just the last straw and we can't take anymore. Let's look at what in our lives is so stressful and deal with that.
Now, it's probably something a lot bigger and impossible to fix in the next five minutes, so what can you do when you fight or flight reflex kicks in?
1) exercise. Do something physical. Choose to flee for 10 seconds, but come back and deal with the situation. Don't quit. Don't give up. Don't give in. It's enough to do some pushups or lunges or a sprint, anything physical that makes your heart beat faster. Your brain is pretty stupid like that.
2) take an intellectual inventory of the situation. "No, I'm not going to die, I'm just having a panic attack, my body is just preparing to fight or flight, I'm medically safe. Everything is all right, I am safe."
3) relax. Take 10 deep breaths and go through your body and intentionally flex and relax every part of it. Stretch as high up as you can and stay there for five seconds, and then let your body relax down. Yawn.
4) cut the situation into pieces. So I can't do the whole video. Can I do one movement? Do it. That's good.
Do you want to try the next movement? Good.
If not, that's good, too. You can do something else. Just not quit. Don't go doing something you always do to calm yourself down, like play some videogames or read or watch telly or eat.
Write a list of small, tiny, eeny weeny things you can do, little steps you can take, to reduce the overall stress in your life, or reach your goals.
For example, for me, something constructive to do would have been to do some other exercise. A couple of sit ups or so. Still doing exercise, still taking steps to reach the goal, doing something to reduce the stress, and not trying to ignore it and sit in the corner busy doing nothing, while the problem and stress just grows and gets worse. And next time it's even smaller things that will make me lose my cool, until all I do is slouch on the couch and get fat.
There are two more things in action here.
What I call the mañana reaction. "I can wait. I'll do it tomorrow. There's still enough time. I can do this later".
"Uh, can't be bothered". "This is boring". It's especially difficult problem now, because I don't have much ability to focus and concentrate on things. I watch movies in 10-15 minutes installments, because I don't have the peace to do one thing for more than that. It took me three days to crochet a kippah to my hubby; something that usually takes a couple of hours. I tried to do an exercise program, which usually I finish if I start it, and this time... couldn't be bothered. Boring. I want to do something fun. The problem with that is, is that nothing is fun nowadays. I am still recovering from a deep trauma. I lost three important people between February 2012 and July 2014. I have PTSD. But - I'm coming out of it. :-)
And I'm learning.
BTW, here's 29 signs that you're going to fail. It goes beyond studying and exams.
I did not stretch and work to get my splits. Not one pushup or pullup was done. Not a K was run, not in a minute nor in an hour. Yoga I did a little, but not taichi. I didn't do anything about Parkour. I weighed 124 kilos on my birthday. I haven't thrown any balls. I haven't trained my feet. If I had lost my arms, I would need help to wipe my ass. I haven't learned one dance, or to juggle, and I still can't hulahoop. I haven't taken one photo of me, nor have I had a photoshoot. I haven't made one video, movie or tutorial, or posted anything anywhere. I haven't made one dollar. I have made some clothes/accessories, but not a whole wardrobe. I haven't worn makeup. I haven't had an exhibition. I haven't made a BJD. I haven't written, translated or illustrated any books, not even a chapter. I changed a string in the guitar and started to tune it, and the tuning key broke, so that's that. Haven't gotten it fixed. Still can't play anything. I haven't written any songs, I haven't sang in public. I still know only Finnish, Swedish and English. I haven't made sausage, cider, jams or jellies, handpulled noodles or baked through the Daring Bakers' list. I started to replace the houseplants, and they are all dead now. I almost got debt free, but now I'm back in debt. I haven't taken a roadtrip. I haven't lived as a fruitarian for a month. I don't know any tricks. I know only the CPR and first aid I have picked up. I have put some books in a reading journal, but that's mostly new books. I am not a mentalist.
I did celebrate my 50th birthday in a nice country place, but not as I wanted to, and not on my birthday. It was basically very... low. I had three guests. I got a couple of presents. They were all wonderful and I loved them, but...
All in all, it was very unsatisfactory. I have this idea of that I am not worth it, and it's useless to plan anything big where anything depends on other people, because it just won't happen.
Everything I wrote on this list is achievable. *I* am the only reason to why I don't have it right now.
I have the knowhow and resources to 4/5 of the list and the rest... most of it is just a question of money. I KNOW how I could collect the money to do all the things I want to do, I just don't do it.
And something happened yesterday that made me realize a lot of things.
I don't want to think about difficult things. Most things in my life has been easy, too easy. So I have no training on how to push through when the pushing gets hard. How to deal with the panic of "I don't have the slightest idea of how to do this, I can't do this!" So far in my life I have dealt with that with quitting, fleeing, and hiding in the planning and dreaming department. I'm good at that.
So, anyway, something happened yesterday, and I got confused and scared, and my "fight or flight" response kicked in. I flee.
Now, fight or flight response is "created" as a survival mechanism in a dangerous situation. What was the "dangerous situation" I was in yesterday? I couldn't follow with a dance exercise video.
Yeah.
Dangerous.
So, why did my body see this situation as dangerous?
Usually it is because the person reacting on little things is stressed out in their lives, of other things. There are bigger issues which causes me to be in the "fight or flight" situation all the time, and things like this; obvious "failure", obvious stress, obvious discomfort, distress, obstacle, things don't go as we planned, makes it just flare. This is why we start crying because of something insignificant. The thing is insignificant, we aren't crying because of that, it was just the last straw and we can't take anymore. Let's look at what in our lives is so stressful and deal with that.
Now, it's probably something a lot bigger and impossible to fix in the next five minutes, so what can you do when you fight or flight reflex kicks in?
1) exercise. Do something physical. Choose to flee for 10 seconds, but come back and deal with the situation. Don't quit. Don't give up. Don't give in. It's enough to do some pushups or lunges or a sprint, anything physical that makes your heart beat faster. Your brain is pretty stupid like that.
2) take an intellectual inventory of the situation. "No, I'm not going to die, I'm just having a panic attack, my body is just preparing to fight or flight, I'm medically safe. Everything is all right, I am safe."
3) relax. Take 10 deep breaths and go through your body and intentionally flex and relax every part of it. Stretch as high up as you can and stay there for five seconds, and then let your body relax down. Yawn.
4) cut the situation into pieces. So I can't do the whole video. Can I do one movement? Do it. That's good.
Do you want to try the next movement? Good.
If not, that's good, too. You can do something else. Just not quit. Don't go doing something you always do to calm yourself down, like play some videogames or read or watch telly or eat.
Write a list of small, tiny, eeny weeny things you can do, little steps you can take, to reduce the overall stress in your life, or reach your goals.
For example, for me, something constructive to do would have been to do some other exercise. A couple of sit ups or so. Still doing exercise, still taking steps to reach the goal, doing something to reduce the stress, and not trying to ignore it and sit in the corner busy doing nothing, while the problem and stress just grows and gets worse. And next time it's even smaller things that will make me lose my cool, until all I do is slouch on the couch and get fat.
There are two more things in action here.
What I call the mañana reaction. "I can wait. I'll do it tomorrow. There's still enough time. I can do this later".
"Uh, can't be bothered". "This is boring". It's especially difficult problem now, because I don't have much ability to focus and concentrate on things. I watch movies in 10-15 minutes installments, because I don't have the peace to do one thing for more than that. It took me three days to crochet a kippah to my hubby; something that usually takes a couple of hours. I tried to do an exercise program, which usually I finish if I start it, and this time... couldn't be bothered. Boring. I want to do something fun. The problem with that is, is that nothing is fun nowadays. I am still recovering from a deep trauma. I lost three important people between February 2012 and July 2014. I have PTSD. But - I'm coming out of it. :-)
And I'm learning.
BTW, here's 29 signs that you're going to fail. It goes beyond studying and exams.
No comments:
Post a Comment