SYED 003 - 2nd week

 Another thing I forgot from the previous post, traveling alone. Basically, doing things alone. Several years ago, I was planning on flying to Paris very early in the morning and then flying back home very late in the evening, not staying in Paris overnight. Alone, managing with my very limited French. It never happened, because I'm afraid. :-(

Anyway, to Greg's second week. #8 was Seeing an Old Friend

My mother has Alzheimer's. I haven't been able to see her since my father died and my mother's Alzheimer's became undeniable. It felt like she failed me, that she wasn't my mother any longer, that my mother had died when my father died. I wished she had. I didn't want to have this stranger in my life pretending to be my mother. I think I need to go home and face my mom. 

#8b Went to a "strip" club. 

Well... maybe doing a burlesque act myself could be this.

#9 Fear of Failure

THINGS PEOPLE FEAR
- hard work
- standing up
- doing the right thing
- sucking
- rejection
- asking for help
- asking for more
- chasing dreams
- cooking
- equality
- accepting criticism
- apologizing
- letting go
- committing
- leading

I'm not afraid of hard work, I just can't do it for long :-D I'm not afraid of cooking either, but I'm terrified of sewing :-D Especially cutting the fabric. I have no problems accepting criticism, and the Karen that could make me cry or cower hasn't been born yet, and won't be. :-D I have no problems or prestige in apologizing either.  Also, no fear of committing. It's more the other way around, chasing dreams, jumping into the deep water, leaving the safety and security and daring. That's scary. 

I don't think I'm afraid of standing up and doing the right thing. 

Rejection is a bit hard. Asking for a "chance". Asking for anything, really, help, more, love, companionship... But I'm married, so it's not a good idea to start asking for love :-D I have no problems asking for love from my husband. Or anything else. No problems. It's the "world" I have problems with, I don't think they want to give me anything. 
And I have huge problems using money on myself. I would need a new laptop, or take the old one to get a new screen, and that is something I'd NEED. *sigh*

Hmm... what can I ask for "more"?

#10 "Telling My Friends About This Blog"

Well... writing a book and telling my friends about that book, marketing my books, that would be a big thing. I think my friends all know about my blogs.

#11 Spilling the Beans: The Aftermath and The Long Ohm

I would really want more interaction about my bucket list. :-( I don't know how that's going to happen, because I cannot find anyone near me who is interested in bucket lists. Hard to plan to do things together when one is alone :-D (And my hubby's things are not my things. Also, he doesn't like bucket lists. :-()

#12 was that he started writing screen scripts again. Now, that would be something. 

#13: Going Home Again

This ties with #8... Maybe I'll do this. It would be nice to rent a car and take Henric with me, drive through Lapland (from Stockholm to Finland, my parents' home), and visit some places on the way... we could sleep in the car, or maybe borrow my BIL's tent and sleeping bags... That would be scary :-D

#14 Shoot a Video

Yes, definitely scary :-D

(Now, the #15 is to post the video on YouTube for all to see... Yes, definitely scary :-D)