Learn Tai Chi

I want to learn the 24 form.
There are plenty of material to learn from on the internet.
I try to do it first on my own by written and illustrated description, then I follow a video.

And I find it extremely stressful.

I try to tell myself that it's OK that I can't copy his movements straight away, I will learn.

But it doesn't help

I feel stupid and clumsy and even when there is no-one watching me, no-one knows what I am doing,
I'm ashamed of myself and horrified by my clumsiness.

Because I am not clumsy. I am a lot of things, but clumsy is not one of them.

But when I am trying to follow his movements I feel clumsy.
I don't know how I look or how I am doing.

I suppose I am taking too large steps, because my knee aches. It shouldn't ache. There is nothing that would cause knees to ache if done correctly in taichi, so I am doing it wrong...

Bugger.

But I will not give up. I will take a pause, but I will not give up.