Where to begin...

Oh, it's hard.
There are so many things I want to do.

And... I don't dare to start.

What if I don't like it?
What if I do like it?
What if I fail?
What if I succeed?
What if...

Bugger.

Daring Bakers

One of the goals on my list is to bake my way through all the Daring Bakers' challenges.

The thing is that that is really simple. All it takes is to start in the beginning, and bake until I have reached the goal.

The problem is that they bake something new every month, and this challenge has been going on since November 2006. That's almost 100 recipes. So even if I make one each week, it will take me almost two years to catch them... And one pastry a week sounds like a manageable pace.

(88 recipes. If I make one every week, it will take me to April 2016 to catch up with the others. :-D
But only if I start this week. If I wait even more, it will take me even longer.)

Added 28th of March, 2014 - now it will take me to July 2017 to catch up with the others... it accumulates quickly...

I need to teach my inner children

I have been taught to wait. Wait for next year, some day in the future, "when something happens, then..." Today has become some sort of a waiting room for life, that begins tomorrow.

That my needs and wants are not important. Everyone else's are more important. My needs and wants can be taken care of when everyone else is satisfied... but with 7 billion "everyone else" on this planet... even with a family of 8 - the time when everyone else is satisfied never comes.

That one doesn't need to keep one's promises. It's easy as hell to promise and agree and swear to keep a commitment, but to actually keep it... No. Won't happen. Ever.

That is one thing I need to relearn.

There is no tomorrow. There is only today. I only have "NOW" and it's ALWAYS "NOW"! I need to stop waiting and start doing.

My needs and wants are important. The most important thing in my life. More important than the needs and wants of my husband, my sisters' and brothers', my parents', everyone else in my life.
Because I don't have children. I would need to teach my children that their needs and wants are important, as important to me as my own.
Now I need to teach my inner children that.

Even if everyone else failed me, I must never fail me.
I may not make a promise to myself and then break it.
I may not commit to do something and then not do it.

By taking care of me, I will take care of others, because if I learn there is only today, I won't leave to tomorrow all the small things that I could so easily to today.
If I learn to respect and honor my needs and hopes and dreams, I will do that to others' as well.
If I learn to keep my promises to me, I will keep my promises to others as well.

It is so easy...

So easy to tell others how they should do. So easy to say "well... just do it!"
I was wasting time at Bucketlist, once again, getting inspired and hoarding more dreams, and I saw this:

"Take a picture and write a caption everyday for 1 year and print it out as a photo book"

This goal was logged May 23rd, 2013. Almost a year ago...
I thought that was an easy goal, all it takes is basically a camera.
It doesn't take much time to snap a shot and write down a caption. Why did I take this photo? I mean... "done is better than perfect". It's not a question of writing a world class literature, just to stick to something for 365 days and get it done. And then one would have a photo book of one's own photos; one would have documented a whole year, one would have learn something from taking photos... and then when one flipped the book later, one would notice the mistakes one made, and learn more. Become a better photographer, and live better in the moment.

So, if I think this is a good idea, why aren't I out there taking photos right now? Why am I here trying to tell others how to do this?

1) I want to be better at taking photos.

Ok... so... what do I need to do to become better at taking photos? Take photos... >:->

2) My life is boring and there's nothing to take photos of.

Oh... So... what about going out? What about self portrait 365?

Eeh... going out? Nah... cold. And I would need to get dressed... and it's... *sigh* bothersome to do anything. I'm already sitting here, comfortably, with my laptop and writing, I don't need to stop anything or do anything to do that.
And I can't take self portraits, I'm not... presentable. I'm fat and haven't showered today, and... haven't got dressed and... Eeeeeh!
It's bothersome! One needs to DO something! I'd rather just sit here and yap, because that doesn't take any effort...

-Yeah. I want to be the kind of person who finds ways and does things.
-Oh? Do you? Really? Then why aren't you?
-Eeeh... uh... one would need to stop doing nothing and start doing something, and it's... bothersome to lift my fat ass from the sofa where I'm sitting comfortably and... Yep. 
(Don't you just hate yourself sometimes :-D F-ing smartass! I know myself too well... >:->)

I wish there was a possibility to go and do that and be there without actually bothering... I understand all the people who have a Second Life. I kind of have my second life at Pinterest :-D

I wouldn't want a Second Life, though. I want a First Life worth living.